Many Japanese words equivalent to the English word "wife" have different nuances.

In my previous post, I wrote about Japanese words equivalent to the English word "husband". The words deeply reflect Japanese culture and are controversial. If you are interested in this topic, please click here. Today, I'll talk about Japanese words equivalent to the English word "wife".

In the Japanese language, 妻(tsuma), 嫁(yome)/嫁さん(yome-san), 奥さん(oku-san)/奥様(okusama), 家内(Kanai) and 女房（nyoubo) are used as the meaning of a wife although these terms have different nuances. They aren't interchangeable in some situations. When you are talking about your wife in daily conversation, you can refer to her as 妻, 嫁/嫁さん, 奥さん, 家内 and 女房. Only 奥様 is a little unsuitable although some men intentionally use 奥様 to convey some nuances. I think that 家内 and 女房 have become less popular, and are used mainly by older men. When you address someone's wife, 奥さん/oku-san is usually used. 奥様 is sometimes used as well, but it sounds very polite since, for example, Smith 様 sounds more polite than Smith さん(As you can see, 様and さん mean Mr., Mrs., Miss etc.).

Among these terms, 妻/tsuma is the most neutral, not having any nuance. When you describe the fact objectively in newspapers, etc., 妻 is used. As for 嫁/嫁さん, in my opinion, if you refer to your wife as 嫁/嫁さん, it will be usually fine with many wives (not all the wives). However, if you refer to your daughter-in-law as 嫁(yome), it often sounds offensive. In the past, when a woman married a man, it meant that she married into his family.(XX家（ke)に嫁(totsu)ぐin Japanese). In other words, she was required to take his surname and take care of him and his parents. She was required to devote her life to doing her best for his family as 嫁/yome. It was assumed that these were 嫁's roles. Because of these backgrounds, if you refer to your daughter-in-law as 嫁, she will feel like she is expected to play the traditional roles.

I don't think that 奥さんand 奥様 have negative nuances although these terms reflect Japanese culture. A long time ago, a man in a high position always lived in a large house with his family and a lot of servants. His wife was referred to as 奥様(okusama) or 奥方(okugata) since her room was located at the area far from the house entrance (At the time, the husband stayed at his room. When he wanted to meet his wife and sleep with her, he went to her room). In the Japanese language, back areas or areas far from the entrance are called 奥(oku), so the wife of a man in a high position was referred to as 奥方（方 means a person) or 奥様.

家内/kanai also reminds many women of a traditional idea. Until three decades ago (maybe), it was assumed that husbands should work and wives should stay at home and take care of their families. 家内 comes from this idea. 家 means a house/houses and 内 means inside, so 家内 means inside a house, which indicates a wife based on the traditional idea.

When you are talking with your friends, etc., if you refer to your wife as 妻 and refer to somebody's wife as 奥さん, it will be no problem. I think that Japanese words equivalent to the word "wife" are not as complicated and controversial as Japanese words equivalent to the word "husband".