Japanese hospitality can annoy you

When I was a university student, I would give school kids private lessons to make money. I usually went to their house and gave them a two-hour lesson. When I started giving a student a lesson at 4 pm, for example, his/her mother would always came to the room around 6 pm. Can you guess why? The mother would bring a piece of cake and a cup of tea or things like that to me. Even though she paid enough money for the lesson to me, she would serve them every time I gave a lesson. Her attitude toward me is pretty common. As a matter of fact, when you visit a Japanese friend's house even without notice, you will be usually served a cup of tea and some snacks without being asked if you'd like them. Due to this custom, Japanese people often take some snacks or sweets with them when they visit someone's house. These are our customs based on our hospitality.

When I lived in Malaysia, I had an Australian friend who gave private lessons to Japanese people at their houses. She would sometimes get annoyed by being served a cup of tea without being asked. She told me that she would find it difficult to decline the offer under some circumstances. When I lived in China, I would sometimes ask a Chinese masseuse (or massage therapist) --who often visited Japanese client houses --to come to my house. One day, while massaging me, she asked me why Japanese people tried to serve a cup of tea or some snacks to her even though they paid for her massage. She wondered how she should deal with the offer and decline it when she didn't want it. When I have dinner with my non-Japanese, I often notice that they feel uncomfortable with being served by their Japanese friends. In ordinary Japanese restaurants, a dish is often served on a big plate and is placed on the center of a table. You can take some from the dish if you want. If you cannot reach the dish, you can ask someone to take some for you. However, some Japanese will　try to serve you food despite not being asked. They also would try to offer to pour beer into your glass.

To be honest, I'm sometimes annoyed by being served drinks and snacks insistently at someone's house even though I politely decline. When I notice that someone takes umbrage with me not accepting his/her offer, I'm reluctant to eat the snacks served. In restaurants, I often feel uncomfortable being served by my friends since I want to my enjoy meal at my own pace. It also can disturb my conversation with others. In my opinion, the hospitality that makes feel others uncomfortable is not real Japanese hospitality (click here) even though it's seemingly polite. These offers are intrusive and hypocritical even though people are doing it with good intention. People always offer such surface hospitality just to satisfy themselves, although some people believe that the hospitality will make everyone feel happy.